Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Buhtt sex?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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