There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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