let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
