My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
