don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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