are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
