It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
