so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
