I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
