Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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