girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
