it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
