I just made out with a guy for $7.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
