the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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