Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
