Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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