I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
