Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
