I'm gonna have a badass scar
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
