i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
