Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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