This girl is more easily done than said...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize