It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
