Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
