My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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