You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
