; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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