my sisters under your porch take her home
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
