I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
