Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
