We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize