..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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