Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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