Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
