it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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