Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
