i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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