I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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