i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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