wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
