I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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