you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
