Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pants are for mortals
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
