Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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