And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She bit a glass in half.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
