im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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