Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
