it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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