This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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