i don't like sucking hair
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
