I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
