My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
