I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
